Where the king puts his armies

Why did the wizard go to the hospital?

2011-05-11T09:51:00.008-04:00

He had a staff infection

So back in June I sent Ted Leonis (via facebook) and email with some designs for an updated Wizards logo. As he just took on ownership responsibilities, and after redesigning the Capitals branding with great success, I though that he would be thinking of doing the same with the Wizards... to which he prompty replied... "Please dont do this...retract this ASAP". Shame and embarrassment. Lesson learned I guess...

Well the wizards just announced their new look for the 2011-2012 season and while I appreciate the "going back to our roots" effort. I feel it falls short on many levels. You can read all about it here. I think the most disapointing aspect is that they kept the W wizard basketball moon mark. HEre is what I sent Ted....

What did the Blanket say to the Bed?

2010-05-03T15:12:00.013-04:00

You're going undercover!

AT&T's new Blanket commercial.... Where have I seen this before?

While it's clever and a cool concept, I wonder how Christo

(Christo and Jeanne-Claude) feels? See photos below video for

just some of their original work.

Oh and BTW, as clever as this commercial is, their coverage is

still horrible. (There s no orange blanket over my house)

Though I am going to hold out until the iphone switches to

multiple carriers and (hopefully) when all the users switch to

Verizon. Maybe then it will free up some of the bandwidth.

Why did the Cat work at Xerox?

2009-06-22T14:56:00.007-04:00

He wanted to be a copy cat.

Since we are on the kick of "imitation as the sincerest form of flattery"... Lets look at some recent movie posters. Man I know I have seen these before..cough Saul Bass cough cough..Below are some Originals followed by the im"posters" (wow two bad jokes in one entry!) For another cool tribute to Saul Bass check this out. And that's right, Rochester representing with the Xerox mention (logo not designed by Bass.-Chermayeff & Geismar 1971)

1959

1961

1958

2008

2009

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.

2009-06-15T17:32:00.001-04:00

I will spare you all the "sorry its been so long since my last post.. blah blah blah"

OK so its Election time again, albeit slightly smaller(less popular?) This Tuesday was the primary elections for VA State governor and delegates, and the Obama influence was everywhere. While I think it is a good thing—that Politicians/campaigns see the value in branding and good graphic design— and most did a fairly decent job, Some just blatantly copied (though I know that is the way in the design field,) but I mean come on. Some of these are so bad... OK use Gotham or Trajan, heck use Optima(McCain). Same color palette? Fine. But make it your own. I think one candidate even changed his last name to Hope! Umm, well..probably not, but maybe he just felt that having the last name Hope—he couldn't pass up the opportunity to take political advantage.

AS you can see below,Most aren't too bad, and as a whole the fact that more thought and design are going into them is a step in the right direction...but my favorite OBAMA-fied ones are Omeish(for obv. reasons) McAuliffe, didn't use Gotham (helvetica) but the sun burst in the state and the horizon curve at the bottom are too much, and lastly HOPE. I would love to see some Obama inspired signs from your states towns etc... as you can see below even IKEA got into the race.

I'm surprised no one commissioned Sheppard Fairey to create a portrait for them.

What are the strongest days of the week?

2009-04-20T15:27:00.012-04:00

Saturday and Sunday, the rest are "weak" days.

I have been engulfed in corp. america now for a good five years and I have realized that I have totally acquired the office vernacular. Similar to when I moved to virginia—albeit northern Virginia, who if we had our way would secede from virginia (though we were able to flip the state to blue this year). When I came down for school from New York, I thought everyone here moved so slow and spoke even slower with a huge southern twang, yet soon my family and friends were making fun of the way I said words like "green". Which to them sounded more like "Graaainne".

Now I find myself subconsciously speaking the corporate language. It just automatically and systematically comes out of me, where I don't even realize I just had a conversation. It comes out most in the small talk, in the kitchen or hallways, and sometimes in the elevator. Though the elevator is a tricky environment. Sometimes if you get on the elevator with someone else you do not speak or even look at that person until one of you gets off and then it is just a "have a good one"... as the doors shut.

So want confidence to hold a conversation with any corp. employee? Easy. There are only two things anyone ever really talks about. The weather and the day of the week in relation to Friday. Here is a simple flow chart I created to help you navigate your way through a casual conversation. You will be conversing like a a true corporate teammate in no time.

Where does the bunny strut his stuff?

2009-03-28T13:20:00.008-04:00

At the Hop!

Easter is upon us, and we have already gone through our first couple bags of jelly beans. Fruit flavor of course. There is nothing worse than grabbing a handful of jelly beans and throwing them in your mouth and find out they are spiced! Honestly, who still buys those? I can only think of two types of people: Your great Aunt Ethel who is still using the same bowl of jelly beans from the Harding Administration and people who mistakenly grab the wrong bag at grocery store.

Anyways, I noticed a funny thing. Is it just me or whenever you get to the end of a bag of jelly beans there always seems to be the same three flavors left. Black Licorice (obviously if not only for the reason that it is not a fruit-see above) White, and Purple (and sometimes the occasional green.) I think the purple stick around so long because in the right light they can appear to be black. I understand that different people like different flavors, and that maybe in some houses, there is someone who loves black licorice, but I have found this fairly consistent from household to household, Easter to Easter.

Here is my personal ranking

1. Orange(orange)

2. Yellow(lemon)

3. Green(lime)

4. Purple(grape)

5. Red(cherry)

6. Pink(Strawberry?)

7. White(???) -according to Brach's website its Pineapple! Who knew?

8. black(licorice)

What are your favorites? Happy Easter chirp chirp.

What do you call a cow with a twitch?

2009-02-04T18:54:00.017-05:00

Beef Jerky. (no correlation with my post just liked the joke.)

So where was I ? Oh yeah getting ready for bed, about three blocks from the Capital the night before the inauguration. I will be the first to admit that my cousin and I could/should have gotten up a little earlier, but both being fathers of two year olds–we couldn't pass on the opportunity to sleep in for a little bit. We layered up again and headed out on our bikes around 8A.M.

What happened for the next 6 hours was something I will never forget. It was like a giant block party. The streets closed to cars several block surrounding the mall, and bus loads of people being dropped off at every corner. My cousin needed to get some coffee so as he wove his way through the people who were inside just to get warm and made his way to the actual customers, I decided to see if I could sell some of the t-shirts I had made. Not being the best salesman—I couldn't pull myself to shout and get in peoples faces. But this was the great thing about the crowd there, everyone was in a great mood and taking it all in, so I just stood there on the corner holding up my shirt... and before my cousin had made it out of the coffee shop I had one left. Now I only brought about 10 down with me. When I made them I wasn't planning on selling them. So I only made about 15 for friends and family. In hind site I should have made several(100's?) more. I got really positive comments and reactions from the shirts (see below -if anyone is interested I would definitely be p for ordering more— let me know.)

Being on bike might have been the smartest/best decsion I have made in a long time (I dont make them too often) We were able to cover so much ground in such little time. Starting at the capital we headed to the White House, where there was a free bike valet. We really had no issues from anyone being on bikes until—of course—we got to the bike valet. There, the national guard were barking out orders on where to stand and not stand with our bikes. Turns out the bike valet had over 200 bikes parked that day. So as we stood there at the bike valet we had to make a decision drop the bikes and hoof it or stay on the bikes and see how close we could get.

We thought we would take our chances. And it paid off. We were able to take our bikes on the lawn and got as close as the Smithsonian Castle, but decided to head further back and park ourselves near one of the jumbo-trons where we had space to breathe. The screens and sound were great. People were energized.. Just the sight of Obama brought on a wave a cheers. As they announced the presidents as they entered, it was interesting to hear the reactions... The 39th President... Big Applause. The 41st president... akward silence with a few polite claps. The 42nd President... thunderous applause. The 43 president...do I have to say? While the majority of people were more polite than i had thought they would be— there were definitely boos and shouts of arrest him!....

Then the moment had arrived, 2 million people cheering, screaming, applauding the next president of the United States. It was then I realized that we were now packed in shoulder to shoulder. The jumbo-tron that was once clear as day in front of us was barely visible, blocked now by bodies, so we had to crane our next and stand on our tiptoes(ok that was just me the short one)

The ceremony was amazing_ not even gonna try to descirbe it just some brief observances.

Aretha: (no matter what youthought of her hat) was moving, tears? yes.

The swearing in: I have never have image in being in a crowd so large and truly be able to hear a pin drop.

The atmosphere: euphoric and very patriotic.

Getting out of the city was a breeze too, jumped on 66—yes that right 66—no cars just pedestrians and a few of us on bikes going right down the middle of the highway. The fun of the trip stopped right about there, for as I alluded to earlier the trip home was mostly uphill. I was feeling the burn.

Made it home in time to watch the parade and rest my legs.

No matter where you were, this was a truly remarkable day.

What did the Hat say to the Hat stand?

2009-01-23T11:08:00.015-05:00

You stay here, I'll go on a head!

On Monday night—wearing as many layers as possible (the layered look is in right?)—my cousin and I rode our bikes down the Curtis Trail to Washington DC. for the inauguration. We were pretty pumped up, and we knew the trip was going to be great when–upon coming to a fork in the path and debating which way to go—a biker came out of nowhere and offered some help. We came to dub him "Jesus biker". He was quick to philosophize with us about biking, DC and helping those who were lost. He was even kind enough to offer my cousin his hat, revealing his long flowing Jesus-like locks. After being enlightened, JB pointed us in the right direction, and we were flying down (key word to remember later on) to DC. In spite of the 30º temp we were actually sweating through the layers. We arrived in Georgetown around 9PM stopped for a quick bite to eat (enjoyed my first ever felafel) and headed down the Potomac toward the mall.

It was almost surreal as we arrived on the mall, as most of the major roads (66, constitution) were closed to traffic. There wasn't a car in sight. First we went to the Lincoln, then rode down the reflection pool to the WWII memorial. It was so calm and quiet, there was definitely something in the air. And it wasn't just the strong scent of chemicals coming from the rows upon rows of Don's Jons.

We jumped off the mall out on to constitution Ave. There we were, slaloming down constitution towards the capital. Stopping only to help visitors find the metro or a party. I have never gotten from one end of the mall to the other so fast. We were staying the night at a friends house by Union station (about 3- 4 blocks from the capital.) My friend was probably the only depressed person in the city that night. See he was an Aid to the Former First Lady. He spent the night on a stroll of his own—down memory lane. He was looking at some old photos from the "old days". No matter your political persuasion his photos were pretty amazing. Inside the presidents limo, Air Force One and many close up shots of Dubs and laura. As he sat at his laptop, Fox news trying to keep his spirits up on in the background, I kind of felt bad for him... the poor guy.

But it didn't matter as Men at work played in my head... "ain't nothing gonna break-a my stride. ain't nothing gonna hold me down oh no..."

We were off to bed, hoping to make the day ahead arrive faster.

More to come... Part II 2 Million People Can't be Wrong.

KNOCK KNOCK! Who's There? Sara. Sara Who?

2008-12-23T10:55:00.003-05:00

Sara Doctor in the House?

You know what they say. When it rains, it rains really hard. Or something like that.

A few months ago my wife had to go in for minor surgery (if there is such a thing). Her surgery was scheduled at 6P.M.. My plan was to go to work, work through lunch, leave at 3, grab a bite to eat on the way home, then take her to the hospital. She called around one to tell me they had pushed up her surgery to 4:00 and we'd have to leave right now. So I headed out of the office to pick her up. Because of the surgery she wasn't allowed to eat 4 hours before hand so of course, she was starving. With that in mind and being short on time I decided it best not to grab something to eat on my way home.

Now I need to let you know that my wife has what I like to call a super sniffer. I swear she can smell my gas before I've even farted. So the last thing I wanted was for her to smell any food on my breath—making her even more hungry than she already was. I just figured I could get something at the hospital.

We arrived at the hospital, checked in and got sent up to "pre-op". As we got to the nurses station to check in, they didn't have my wives info yet...The nurse joked "I don't think we know you?" To which I responded — "well...she's a Sagittarius who enjoys cooking, long walks and a good book..." to only a mild look of amusement on her face.

As we got settled into her room, another nurse began going over my wifes medical history. She asked everything and anything you could think of (any allergies, any prior surgeries, when was the last time you stubbed your toe, what medical shows do you watch, when playing doctor as a child were you the patient or the doctor?) and everything was going fine until...

"what have you had to eat today?"

"a banana this morning around 8:30, then a small sip of my sons strawberries and cream drink at around noon"

"oh... oh no. That is not good. I think we are done here. We will not be doing this surgery anytime soon." said the nurse.

Furious and near tears, we cant believe it. The nurses at the doctors office never told her about avoiding cream/dairy products, or how that would effect how long she would have to wait before surgery.

At this point with the talk of food, a wave comes over my body. I need to eat. (did I mention I had and early meeting and had to skip on breakfast too?) I am not feeling good, I start to feel feint, especially with all the medical talk ( I have to turn my head during operation scenes on TV) and seeing my wife get upset was not helping. I needed something and I needed it right now. My whole body got warm and I was feeling dizzy.

I slurred something to kate, which she says sounded like "I go bathroom". and I staggered out the door. Making it toward the end of the hall, I found a candy-striper. I asked her if there was any food near by, and I can only imagine that I sounded like Teen wolf in the liquor store," I WANT A KEG OF BEER". She looked at me like I was crazy and told me I would have to go to the basement cafeteria. I was not going to make it. My body was getting warmer, tingly and my head was throbbing. I needed some food. I stumbled back to the nurses station, where the nurse from before was sitting. I'm sure thinking,"I wonder what kind of zinger this guy has for me now?"

Do you have any crackers or juuuuuuuuuuuu...

The next thing I know I am waking up on the floor with Kate banging on my chest saying "why didn't you eat? Why didn't you eat?!"

I am now laying on a gurney and watching the fluorescent lights go whizzing by above me. Kate is trudging along beside me with my laptop bag (stuffed with an extra 10lbs of stuff—phone, ipod, books paperwork, everything to help kill time in the waiting room ) no sooner do we get to the ER when they call down to say they are going to go ahead with my wife's surgery and they need her upstairs immediately to prep. So off she runs back up stairs. Boy do I suck. I am so glad for her sister who showed up just in time to help get her ready and calm her down.

Now what happened next is probably the worse part of the whole experience. Katie's doctor comes in.

Now I have to preface this with a little story that took place about a week prior. Kate and I were mildly disagreeing about some of the doctors recommendations. And on her next appointment she brought up my suggestions to the doctor. To which the doctor replies...

"Is your husband a doctor?"

"um no"

"What does he do?"

"He is a graphic designer."

"what if I came into his office and told him how to do his job?"

Oh no he didn't. Well if he only knew that people come into my office —all the time—to try to tell me how to do my job.(see earlier post) So flash forward—back to the ER—the doctors coming in right before her surgery to fill me in. You can imaging this was not how I wanted to greet this guy after his little comments. Flat on my back on a gurney hooked up to an IV, sipping juice out of a little sippy straw and giving him a weak left-handed hand shake, I believe I even uttered a "oh thank you so much doc."

So Humiliating.

I am happy to report that my wife came through the surgery great and the doctor said she could go home that night if she felt like it. Of course my doctor wanted me to stay the night for observations.

How do you top a car?

2008-12-06T01:01:00.012-05:00

Tep on the Brake tupid.

So its 1:15 A.M. The windshield wipers are lulling me to sleep. This is not good, since I am driving. We are En route to Aiken, SC, for thanksgiving. The car and I needed refueling. So I pulled over at one of the hundreds (thousands?) of cookie cutter gas station/mini marts that pepper route 29. I make a b-line to the back cooler for the diet (see earlier post) mountain dew, and there I see it. I rub my eyes... could it be? There it is. One single Mtn. Dew bottle with the newly re-branded look and feel surrounded by rows of the old ones. What are the chances? I didn't even know it was out yet. Was this some sort of slow release cooked up by the marketing dept?

Now, I will tell you I am not a big fan of the whole pepsi re-brand. But thats all I will say. There is plenty of commentary on that out there already. So if you want to see what all the fuss is about, look here, here, or here. But I have to say, the Mtn. Dew look was not as bad as I had originally thought. You can judge for yourself, below are some of my pics.

Of course I did not drink it. Because who knows, it could be a collectors item if the new branding tanks as bad as we all think. Plus, I usually drink larger mouth bottles on long road trips. It makes for less stops at the little boys rooms. Hey, if women can put on make-up while texting as they drive, I think it is perfectly safe to relieve oneself in an effort to make good time.

Yes that is mountain dew in the bottle.

What do cheerleaders drink before basketball games?

2008-11-28T20:30:00.009-05:00

Root Beer!

White men can't jump... but apparently white boys can.

This packaging for little tikes basketball hoop is pretty sweet. I love the 6 million dollar man -esque motion blur effect on the young lad. (the tucked in shirt and braided belt is a nice touch too.(doesn't date it at all.) The image gives hope to all white dads out there that their sons still have a chance in the NBA!

"Take it to the hole Little Ricky!"

(BTW, don't laugh at the little girl, she knows he is going to miss the dunk so she wants to be there for the tip in.)

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wing....

2008-10-26T23:38:00.031-04:00

These are a few of my favorite things.

Magazines, T-shirts, and posters—on a list of things I could never have enough of (or am a sucker for)—those three would be near the top. As my closet, magazine racks, and rooms filled with poster tubes clearly show.

MAGAZINES

Growing up, my mother could/would always bribe me with a new magazine... to be good , or clean my room, or just to tag-a-long....and still does. There is nothing better than flipping through a magazine (back to front) just looking at ads, photos, etc.—then going back to read anything that popped out.

Current Subscriptions

print | HOW | ReadyMade | Sports Illustrated

Past Subscriptions (going back to 1980)

RollingStone | Volleyball Monthly | Nintendo Power | Highlights | Sweet Pickles

What I have bought this month...

T-SHIRTS

My love of T-shirts, I thank my dad for. He was always bringing promotional shirts home by the box load and still does. He has been in the wine and spirits business since owning his own liquor store at 18! It really helped in college being able to sell Jack Daniels, Absolute and Goldschläger T's when I needed some extra cash. (which was always) Especially after spending all my loan money on getting band t-shirts made!(oops) But, to my defense—let me tell you— if you were and acoustic duo playing open mics at coffee houses and campus mess halls, playing mostly covers, and you didn't have band shirts to sell???!!!! You would have been nuts! I mean, it is only the second most important step to becoming a successful band behind coming up with a good name. (too bad we couldn't even do step one)

I must have 100's of T's—some dating back to early high school(92). I have also commandeered some of my wives from her HS days. Fortunately—for the sake of wearing them —the style back then for women was baggy/over-sized. (Though, not so great in showcasing the female figure for us pubescent young lads.)

In an effort to free up some space in my closet—I Just recently went through all of them and put into storage the shirts that have certain meaning, that some day I hope to turn into a blanket or two or this. What's worse is that there a are a lot of cool kids T-shirts out there that I can't resist for my son.

Recent purchases

Favorite Shirt Sites

POSTERS

As for my love for posters, I am not sure when it started, but I am sure it relates to the fact that I could never hang any in my room growing up. Thanks mom. Which I find strangely ironic, since apparently she had a psychedelic, Greg Brady-esque pad growing up. Including the beads, black lights and their complementary posters. So, when I left for college, the first thing I did upon stepping in my dorm room—besides grabbing the bottom bunk—was to hang as much stuff on the walls as I possibly could, and I have had a hard time stopping ever since.

I seriously started collecting when my in-laws moved to New Orleans, and I was introduced to the New Orleans Jazz Festival and their annual poster. Oh and if you are ever in DC, the Smithsonian shop at the national gallery has anything and everything you could want for the finer things.

Recent Purchases

Favorite Poster sites.

What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?

2008-09-28T17:31:00.005-04:00

A trombone.

So the days are getting shorter and the air is getting crisper. It is time to start thinking about one thing,

What to be? what to be?

That's right... Halloween. In my family, this has to be our favorite and the most important holiday—second only to Doris Morris Day (October 21) of course. There is a long standing tradition in our family. Always outdo last year and never —under any circumstances— can it be store bought.

So I have never worn the hard plastic superhero masks held on by a thin rubber band and polyester flammable pajamas that come with. (no matter how bad I wanted to) And sorry ladies, no babies, angels or naughty (add occupation here). Although on any other day the last one is permitted.

As you can imagine there is a lot of pressure to come up with something new—especially from my mom, who to this day still dresses up to answer the door ( in better costumes than the kids who show up.) So it's time to put on the thinkin' cap, buy lots of sticky backed velcro(always handy), and kick myself for not learning how to sew in Home-Ec. And if all goes as planned, I will think of the idea October 30th, an be up all night throwing it together,

So here is a walk down trick or treat lane. These are a few of my family favorites. In no particular order. Happy Halloween and a quick shout out to the KAWZ!

Penn and the Wimbledon line judge.

Snap. Crackle, and Pop

Knight Rider and K.I.T.T. (with working lights)

The Indigo Girls

Calgon take me away.

The Wind Blown Man

Why are there fences around graveyards?

2008-09-18T02:34:00.007-04:00

People are just dying to get in there.

If ever I wanted 6 hours of my life back it would have been last thursday. We had our all day division meeting. You probably think thats why, but no, that wasn't the problem. Oh, how bout the fact that it was combined with the sales division. umm... nope. O.K.,Here we go, here's what did me in. The topic of the morning session was... An in-depth look at microsoft technology (play screeching horror violin music now)

It's bad enough being sort of an outsider when it comes to marketing division meetings. With anagrams, and jargon being thrown around as we discuss personas and products, it is like everyone is speaking in tongues. But add in geek speak about the workings of microsoft programs and software—oops I am sorry, I mean stacks (latest techie buzzword)—I officially check out.

Poor seating conditions—certain upper management people sitting behind me—and lack of internet availability (what century are we in, that a conference/meeting center doesn't have wireless?) kept me from drifting away into the worldwide web. So I was stuck trying to stare past the presenters "interesting" ppt slides.

Here is a quick Powerpoint tip: A Large neon yellow box with a lot of black text on light blue template = nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, & diarrhea. So unless you are a Pepto-Bismol salesman wanting to demonstrate your product, I would avoid using that combo.

Making things worse my pen ran out of ink, so my moleskine and notebook just stared up from the table laughing at me. So there I sat. My head bobbing as I drifted in and out of consciousness trying with all my might to at least seem interested. At one point I remember perking up a little when I heard the presenter mutter something about vector graphics, "ooh ooh! "I Know, I know!" I almost shouted out (so I could at least contribute). But when I looked up he was already on to active directory, cloud computing and SQL.

"How did I survive?" You wonder. I mean, I did live to write the tale. No, No. I am not writing this posthumously. My shining glimmer of hope that got me through it was the scheduled after meeting happy hour and the 2 (4, thanks to my co-worker who would not be attending) free drink tickets.

Its the little things that keep us going.

"except for the mustache, you look just like your mother."

2008-08-29T10:35:00.023-04:00

"but I don't have a mustache."

"Yes, but your mother does."

I just got back from a week long vacation and I decided to do something that I have never done before—not for lack of trying, but for lack of ability—grow a beard. I had a good 8 days to get things going. Turns out it took more that 21 days and I probably needed about another 2 months to really get something credible.

Think of all the great beards/mustaches there have been. Paul Bunyan, Willie Nelson, Billy Gibbons & Dusty Hill (ZZ TOP), St. Nick, Rollie fingers, Abe Lincoln, Brawny Man (Pre-Rebranding), Al Gore (post 2000 stolen victory), Kenny Rogers (pre-facelift and breast reduction). Sadly, my name will never appear on any great beard list. If you want to see the best of the best—check out the beardsmen (like Toot Joslin above) found here. These guys are the real deal. Their photos and stories are classic, the fierce rivalries and characters rival that of the WWE. Be sure to watch for it—coming soon to ESPN 2—following the competitive eating competition. (also notice the very cool Team USA logo)

I must say I was very excited about my new beard. I had actually withstood the dreadful "itching" stage and had finally hit the easy stretch of just letting it grow. My wife—on the other hand—was less than thrilled about the whole thing. Fortunately for my beard, she was out of town for a couple weeks after our vacation, so it gave me time to keep the hope alive. Upon her return however, I decided (oh OK, she told me ) to shave it off. But, knowing that it would be a long time (only time) before I saw facial hair again, I shaved it in stages. Taking full advantage of the experience.

Below are pics of the five days I chipped away at my beard. Look out Toot!

Why was cinderella waiting outside the camera shop.

2008-08-15T17:43:00.021-04:00

She was waiting for her prints to come.

So,I decided to ride my bike to work. We have to do our part to reduce our carbon footprint..right? Though I do enjoy saying that, and enjoy saving money on gas... I really did it to try to lose some weight. O.K., not some weight, a lot of weight. (and just for the record we own a hybrid car, and have replaced all our light bulbs at the house with Compact fluorescents-so don't hate on me)

At the time I was carrying around an extra fourth of me that definitely was not there when I met my wife ten years ago (working out everyday.. trying to impress) and certainly wasn't there on my wedding day five years ago, (crash diet. carbs are the enemy!) although a little bit did show up in between. Dieting before my wedding turned out to be a bad idea. If I had only put on a ton of weight right before, I could say looking back at the pictures— "wow. look how much thinner I am now". But since getting married and comfortable at home and at my job the lbs seemed to pile up faster than the mail on my kitchen table.

Its weird that looking in the mirror I never thought it was that bad, but in pictures—oh man in pictures—it seemed like my chin had been swallowed by my neck! It was like my cheeks did the same to my ears and eyes. The only good news is that they say the camera adds 5 pounds so really I was only 25 pounds heavier. (or so I told myself) Why I never believed my wife's subtle hints like, "man you are fat", I don't know.

So the bike seemed like the perfect option. Get daily exercise, and not take too much time away from the family. Fortunately, I am lucky that I live pretty close to my office. After my first ride in, it felt like it was about 12-15 miles. umm no. I google mapped my trip and it was only 4. (and really not even that far, because I cut a lot of corners) Its funny in a car you never realize how hilly the roads are.

The first week I rode in, my boss— who happened to have his camera on him(not rare) —caught me in the parking lot and snapped a photo. Again, another photo was just more proof and motivation as to why I was riding my bike. The strap to my helmet lost in my chin, my face so big it was as if my helmet was about to pop off the top at any minute!

Well anyways trying to lose weight, exercise and eat healthy is not fun. But I am happy to report my helmet fits a little better. And the ride now? It only feels like 10 miles.

Why did the chicken cross the road...

2008-08-14T10:08:00.011-04:00

We have all been there. Walking through a parking lot or crossing the street when a car stops to allow you to cross. I don't know about you, but when this happens to me, normally I will shoot them a wave/head nod and then pretend to pick up my pace with a little light jog. Though really, I am not going any faster. If anything I am moving slower as I over exagerate the running motion. I guess I want them to think I am hurrying for them, but it is all an act.

who am i fooling... I am sure they are thinking "what's up with this guy and his fake run/walk?" or "Oh see dear, aren't you glad you stopped for this poor boy. He obviously has some problems."

So I guess i do it for me—to convince myself that I am helping and being thankful, and trying not to cause troubles... man, I do have serious problems.

Why such the long face?

2008-08-12T17:39:00.001-04:00

Said the bartender as a horse walked up to the bar.

I love my job. Seriously I do.

Here is a Video reenactment of my day

What's in a name?

2008-08-12T16:47:00.001-04:00

Here I am... out there for the world to see(read). But before I ventured out into the great Blogtropolis I needed to have a clever cool name. So off to the bat cave (AKA handicapped stall of the mens room at my office) —Its a real think tank! (sorry) —for a little brainstorming. I should be in and out in no time, I mean brainstorming is what i do. It is like 85% of my job. That and I had mexican for lunch.

So here I go... now what rhymes with blog?

Blog eat blog
Who let the blogs out
blah, blah, blog.
blogged down
bah hum blog.
lincoln blogs
london blog
walk the blog
we be blogs
the blog stops here
mission accomplished
I can't believe its not blogger
I can't believe it's not blogger... spray
blogger, blogger... parkay
3 guys blogging...Oh, its for you (clog rhymes with blog — remember I am in a bathroom)
blog'em if you got em
i like sam
blogged for her pleasure
read this
reading rainblog
levar burtblog
Geordie LaForge

Fortunately, for you and me, my session got cut short when the maintenance lady peaked her head in the door for her daily "refresh" of the bathroom. So now I have to finish up super quick so I can get out of here while she freshens up the ladies room and does not see me.

So, not a bad first session but I wasn't really fond of any of them. (Not to mention most of the them were already taken.) In thinking some more... what do I love to do? tell stupid jokes. (see above "think tank") So I finally decided to name this blog after one of my favorite bad jokes. "Where did the king put his armies... in his sleevies."

Let the hilarity ensue.